It was the last day of the regular season. The sun was shining bright and there wasn’t a cumulus cloud in the sky. The three time defending state champion South Side Bombers were going into their final game needing a win to make the state tournament. They were playing their long time rivals, the North Side Heat, who also needed a win to make the state tournament. The two teams had played twice in the regular season, both winning on their home field, 4-2. This game, however, was going to be played on a neutral field on a local college campus.
It was almost time for the game to start and the captains for the two teams, Mark Jones for the Bombers and Bill Anderson for the Heat, met at home plate to exchange lineup cards. The two would be the starting pitchers and clean up hitters for their respective teams. Both players had lots of legerdemain.
“How germane that it would come down to this,” Bill said with a smile.
“Wouldn’t have it any other way,” Mark answered with a grin.
Bill and Mark were the best players on their teams. Bill was very pudgy, five feet, six inches tall, and weighed about one hundred seventy pounds. He had a blazing fastball and could hit the ball a mile. Mark was quite a bit taller than Bill. He looked very gaunt at five feet, nine inches tall, and weighing only one hundred-thirty pounds. He had a curveball that fell off the table and could find the gaps in any outfield. The two were very different in size and had different strengths, but they both got the job done.
After they exchanged lineup cards, they flipped a coin to see who would be the home team and who would be the away team. The Bombers won the coin toss and elected to take the field first. Mark took his glove and led his team out onto the field to start off the game.
Both pitchers were pitching deftly. They both retired the first fifteen batters they faced with prowess, taking perfect games into the sixth inning. They both looked indefatigable. Both players would head back to the bench hearing nothing from coaches, or their teammates other than kudos.
“Way to go! You look great out there, keep it up!” they would hear from the stands.
It was the top of the sixth inning and Mark had struck out the first batter, but then gave up a double to the Heat’s number seven hitter. The next hitter bunted him over to third. Now there were outs and a runner on third. Mark began to feel the pressure. He walked the next batter on four pitches. His coach came out to the mound to talk to him.
“What’s the matter Mark?” his coach asked.
“Nothing coach, I’m fine,” Mark lied quickly.
“Okay Mark. Just keep pitching the way you are and everything is going to be fine,” his coach said with encouragement.
Mark gave up a base hit, allowing the runner from third to score, giving the Bombers a one run lead. Then, Mark quickly struck out the next batter on three pitches ending the inning.
The Bombers ran off the field and Bill led his team back on the field. He quickly retired the first two batters he faced with weak ground outs to shortstop. Then, Bill walked the next two batters. He stepped off the back of the mound and collected himself. He hopped back up onto the rubber and threw the next pitch. The weak fly ball ended the inning.
Mark went out for the seventh. He had to deal with the Heat’s most dangerous part of the order. He gave up a single to the lead-off hitter. The next hitter hit a deep fly ball deep to left that was caught, the runner on first tagged and when to second. There were two outs and a runner on second in the top of the seventh. It was Bill’s turn to bat. Bill casually walked up to the plate like he always does and Mark got nervous again. He tried to shake it off, but he couldn’t. He threw the first pitch to Bill and Bill knocked it out of the park for a two-run homer. That put the Heat up 3-0. Mark got the next two batters out, but the damage was already done. The Bombers would need to score three runs in the bottom of the seventh, or their season would be over.
Bill walked the first two batters in the bottom of the seventh. He gave up a single up the middle allowing one run to score making it 3-1. There were runners on first and second and no outs. The next two batters struck out swinging. It was the Bombers final out and it was Mark’s turn to bat. Mark slowly walked up to the plate with a nervous countenance. He stood in the batters box and watched the first two pitches go by, both strikes, to put him down 0-2. He called timeout, stepped out of the batter’s box, and tried to make himself placid. He got back into the box. He tried to stay calm and waited for Bill to throw the pitch. He knew what was coming, a fastball right down the middle, but under the pressure he put on himself, Bill cast the pitch.
“Strike three!”, the umpire yelled. Mark rued not even taking a swing.
Bill celebrated with his team, filled with zeal, as a newspaper reporter with much notoriety came over and asked if he would answer some questions.
“How did it feel to have a pressure cooker like the game today?” the reporter asked.
“This wasn’t a pressure cooker,” he said with a smile.
“It was a two run game. How was it not a pressure cooker?” he asked.
“The only pressure you feel in sports is the pressure you put on yourself,” he answered intelligently.
5 comments:
I. What I would like my reader to get out of my story is that in sports, the only real pressure that players feel is the pressure that they put on themself. It's not that coach, teammates, and bystanders put pressure on players, the players put pressure on themself.
II. What I think works well in this piece is my introduction and rising action. I found this part very easy to write because I found it easy to build evrything up and get the story to the climax.
III. What I think doesn't work well is my descrition of the characters through dialouge. There is barely any dialouge at all. I also don't think that I did a good job describing the scene and the characters. I found this difficult because I got too consumed with describing the characters' feelings as opposed to describing the setting. I also need to make the theme clearer.
IV. The questions I have about this piece are; Do you have any suggestions on how to make my theme clearer? How to make more dialouge? Do you think I describe enough things in the story? As it is now, what would you say is something that I did well in the story? What is something I didn't do well in the story that you really think I need to change?
The conflict in this story was Mark trying to deal with pressure to win the game. This was an internal conflict. It was resolved when Mark lost the game by letting the pressure get the best of him. I was pretty invested in the story, though I thought it would be predictable. I like how the ending surprised me. I’m not sure how it could have been more dramatic, maybe he could have made the game a little closer. It was pretty close already.
The protagonist becomes more relaxed after the game. Before the game he seemed very stressed out. This change is very important to the story. If he hadn't been stressed out during the game, he probably would have won. If he hadn’t become relaxed after the game, he probably would have agreed with the reporter, rather than coming up with his own answer.
My favorite part is when Mark answers the reporter with a great answer. This occurs at the resolution. “ “Because the only pressure you feel in sports is the pressure you put on yourself,” he answered intelligently.” I think this is a great way to end the story.
I think this stories best quality is how I and many other people can relate to it. Everyone has been in a stressful situation or a situation with a lot of pressure. I know with me I’ve had these situations in school and sports. This story shows how pressure affects sports. The team that had three runs had lees pressure, thus giving them more confidence to win. The other team did not, so it would have been harder for them to win.
I think the theme is the mind is a powerful thing. In this story, both teams come in fairly confident. One team goes ahead. The other is losing and the mind is playing tricks on them, and making the situation more stressful. In other words, there mind affected their game performance.
I think Mike’s story is really good. The only thing I can think of to fix is to add more dialogue. Maybe he could also double check spelling and grammar. I’m not sure if he added vocabulary yet, but if not he could fix that.
YEEEEEEEESS, first to respond!!!!!!!
1.Zeal-(noun) passion or energy. After Bill celebrated with his team, filled with zeal, as a newspaper reporter, that had lots of notoriety, came over and asked if he would answer some questions.
2.Notoriety-(noun) fame. After Bill celebrated with his team, filled with zeal, as a newspaper reporter, that had lots of notoriety, came over and asked if he would answer some questions.
3.Countenance-(noun) facial expression. Mark slowly walked up to the plate with a nervous countenance.
4.Deftly-(adverb) with skill and ability. Both pitchers were pitching deftly.
5.Germane-(adjective) fitting or appropriate. “ How germane that it would come down to this,” Bill said with a smile.
6.Pudgy-(adjective) short and plump. Bill was very pudgy, five feet, six inches tall, and weighed about one hundred seventy pounds.
7.Rued-(verb) regretted. Mark rued not even taking a swing.
8.Kudos-(noun) an award or praise. Both players would head back to the bench hearing nothing from coaches, or their teammates other than kudos.
9.Retired-(verb) to recede or withdraw. They both retired the first fifteen batters they faced with prowess, taking perfect games into the sixth inning.
10.Indefatigable-(adjective) never tired. They both looked indefatigable.
11.Prowess-(noun) extraordinary skill. They both retired the first fifteen batters they faced with prowess, taking perfect games into the sixth inning.
12.Cast-(verb) discard or throw. He knew what was coming, a fastball right down the middle, but under the pressure he put on himself, Bill casted the pitch.
13.Placid-(adjective) calm. He called timeout, stepped out of the batter’s box, and tried to make himself placid.
14.Gaunt-(adjective) thin and bony. He looked very gaunt, only five feet, nine inches tall, and weighed about one hundred-thirty pounds.
15.Cumulus-(noun) puffy clouds like a mountain. The sun was shining bright and there wasn’t a cumulus cloud in the sky.
1. The greatest changes that I made to my short story from my first draft to my final draft were adding a lot more dialogue and fixing proofreading errors.
2. The editing process that was more helpful for me was the peer editing guide because it really helped me see what part of my story I needed to work on, but it also helped me realize what parts are good and don't need to be changed.
3. My story's greatest strengths are how easily people can relate to it, the description of how the characters are feeling during the game, and the description of the characters in the beginning.
4. The advice I would give to next year's students is to make something to organize your story(short story arc, pick characters and describe them, choose a theme, etc.)
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